Knowing What You Want

Dearest Brothers & Sisters,

My greatest wish for everyone young and old alike is that they are able to understand what it is they want in life and relationships.  I think all to often we are pre-programed from young about what society expects that we just march to the beat of the drum so to say. I feel as though there was a long period of my life where I had goals that were strictly materialistic or achievement based.  While that did help me to achieve a certain level of success at work, I missed the boat at that time, on understanding what would make me personally feel fulfilled. Something interesting use to happen to me when I would argue with my ex.  He would often say to me, tell me how you feel? I would think for a moment and quickly realize I had no idea how I felt.  I didn’t learn in school how to analyze my feelings.  My family was very results driven and so feelings were not often a topic of conversation.  It was frustrating to me because it was at those moments when I realized I had never stopped to analyze my feelings and I had never stopped to understand what made me happy, what made me sad, what made me angry.  I just kept things moving.  Kept feelings inside, pushed down never to be discussed.

I say all this to tell you that the moment I started to reflect on my feelings is the moment I started to gain some clarity in life.  If someone asked you today What do you want out of life? you may not know what to say.  I didn’t at the time.  Some people are very clear in their purpose and what they want but for me at this particular time I was lost.  I literally had no idea what I liked to do for fun, I had no idea the kind of people I wanted to be surrounded with, I had no internal purpose beyond achieving work goals.  When I reflected on that and I thought what do I want … what will make me happy… the initial response was I DON’T KNOW!  I felt frustrated, I mean surely it should be an easy enough question. I mean all the schooling and all the experience I have and surely I should be able to answer such a simple question.  I mean I am able to write a vision statement for my department, I am able to write goals for work, why can’t I understand what I want from life. What is my life vision statement, what are my life goals, what will make me feel happy and fulfilled?

Tough questions. I dare you to ask yourself the same.  If you do know the answers then God has already blessed you.  I am happy for you and I encourage you to share with others and teach your family and friends how you know.  For me what helped me to clarify these things was a few different steps:

1.) I made a list (Anyone who knows me, knows I love lists and no it was not in excel it was on paper. LOL!  There is just something freeing about writing with pen and paper that allows for artistic expression.) The list started like this.  I feel happy when… I feel sad when… I feel angry when… I feel sorry when…I feel afraid when… I feel loved when…

2.) I made a list of what I knew I did not want (we often think in the negative so it was much easier for me to write about what I did not want in life and in my relationship.)

3.) I took the list of what I did not want and turned it around (so to speak) and made it what I did want. For example if I wrote that I didn’t want to be with someone who would not communicate, then I would turn that around to say I want to be with someone who is an excellent communicator.

4.) Pray over the list of things you do want in life.  Ask God to help you see clearly the things that are important to him and to direct your steps.  If you look and listen you will start to notice and build a relationship with God that will build you up and guide you to your ultimate purpose and destiny.

So if you are feeling “lost” today or maybe just don’t know how to articulate what makes you happy try to reflect.  Try these steps above and see if it helps bring some clarity.  There is so much more to life then surface level goals and achievements.  It is never to late to find your purpose… as long as you are still breathing God has a purpose for you. Talk with him, read your bible or devotionals daily, reflect on your feelings, and pray. Soon the answers will come and soon it will all start to make sense!

Remember Jesus loves you and so do I!  Wishing you a blessed day!

Sincerely

ASV

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