It is ok to save Yourself

Dearest Brothers and Sisters,

Many of us enjoy being able to help others.  Sometimes people need advice, sometimes they need someone to just listen, sometimes they just need a hug.  Being able to be there for someone in a difficult time and helping them get through it is often an honor.  However, there is another side of helping people that many of us don’t realize is doing the exact opposite of what we intend.  Sometimes people are so far into a behavior or a problem that they can’t be helped by the average everyday person.  Sometimes people don’t want help at all and yet we keep trying to fix the problem they don’t want fixed. We justify our actions because we care so much about them and don’t want to see them hurt. It is those times, those beyond difficult times, when you have to let go and realize that you can’t save that person and if you don’t stop trying to help, you may lose yourself too.

In a very vivid dream I had the other night, I was walking down a long hallway with many doors.  There were doors filled with light. Those doors were clearly shining through beautifully. People I knew and loved were all standing in front of those bright doors as if welcoming me in. I slowly walked past those doors one by one with a feeling of happiness and joy filling me. At the end of the long hallway was an exit sign but it was next to a closed door that was dark and scary.  I could hear terrifying sounds coming from this door and I knew someone I loved was inside and in trouble.  I could hear wrestling and fighting as if that person was fighting with a demon.  I stood outside that door contemplating what do.  On my left was an exit sign, on my right was the bright light from the hallway filled with other doors that were open and welcoming but right in front of me was this doorway to hell with someone I cared about inside.  The thought came across my mind that the demon this person was fighting was bigger than me.  That if he could not fight it … being stronger and more capable than I … how could I?  At that moment, I realized I could go in and try to save this person but it would surely be a death sentence.  I did not have the power, skill or ability to fight this demon for someone else.  It was a horrible almost selfish feeling. Why couldn’t I go in? Should I go in?  Should I go even knowing that I will be defeated too? I was scared.  I was sad. I was feeling guilty…but I had to save myself.

Maybe you have been in this position before, like me not in a dream but in real life, where you finally wake up and realize that you can not save someone you love so very much.  It is the hardest place to be in.  Watching someone you love self destruct in front of your eyes, wishing you could help them but realizing they are the only ones who can help themselves.  Sometimes you have to let go for your own sanity, for your own well-being and that is ok.

When I was going through my divorce it was the hardest thing in my life.  I was so conflicted about what was the right thing to do.  No one wants to be a quitter and give up on someone they love but we also need to demand respect and proper treatment and trying to save someone from something they didn’t want to be saved from was an impossible mission that was not going to help either of us.  I remember at one very desperate moment, I prayed to God for guidance.  He led me to 2 Timothy 3 1-4 which says “In the last day’s there will be very difficult times. For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. They will be unloving and unforgiving. They will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride and love pleasure rather than God.” That message from God was so powerful to me because that was exactly what it felt like I was dealing with.  I could not believe it was so accurately describing the events/actions I was witnessing.  The next line of that scripture reads very clearly, “Stay away from people like that!”

Maybe you have a person like this in your life who you are STILL trying to HELP despite all their wrong doings.  If so I am here to let you know that sometimes it is ok to LET GO.  I could barely believe it myself when I read this out loud but it gave me comfort in my decision to let this person go. I knew that God knew my intentions were good but he wanted me to understand that the enemy this person was fighting was bigger than me or anything I could do to help someone who didn’t want to be helped.  Letting go is the hardest thing you can do but when you find peace with God you will realize that he is a God of restoration. He will restore everything you lose and give you double for your trouble. He will give you beauty for ashes.

Letting go and putting everything in God’s hands allowed me a sense of FREEDOM I had never felt before.  My wish for those of you who have these negative people in your life who bring you down instead of up, who make you feel guilty instead of happy, who love other things more than you is that you can WAKE UP and see that YOU DESERVE BETTER and God will bring you better.  He did for me and he can do it for you.  Letting go is the hardest part but if you take the first step I believe and declare that God will work miracles to restore  your life, your purpose, your dreams and your destiny.

Remember Jesus loves you and so do we!

~ASV

 

 

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